Home
by jjabramss
Summary: It had been three years since the band broke up and things were different now. Yes this is a future!fic


Carlos went to work for his father at the restaurant he owned, Garcia's. James had decided he wanted to be a model, because it was what he was born to do. Kendall went back to Minnesota in hopes of playing hockey for the rest of his life. Logan had already enrolled in pre-med at Harvard.

They were done with their band and music in general. Four years of boy bandom was enough for them and at twenty no one wanted to say they were in a boy band, expect maybe that Jonas kid. So they said goodbye with a farewell concert in Madison Square Gardens and that was it.

It had been three years since then and things were different. Kendall sometimes had people at hockey games ask if they'd seen him somewhere before. He'd say 'probably not' and that would be the end of it.

He'd sometimes see Carlos around town and say hi, and they'd talk about how the band should get together and catch up sometime but they never actually intended to. He would notice James in ads every now and then, normally for some clothing line that Kendall couldn't afford. He'd stopped talking to Logan, not out of spite, just because Logan had stopped returning his calls and on his birthday there wasn't even a card from him.

He sometimes wondered what it would be like if they were all still together, and he'd miss his friends and their music. So he'd drown his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey and pass out sometime late at night when they were replaying the eleven o'clock news. Sometimes he'd think about calling Logan when he was in his alcohol-induced state and ask him why he didn't care about him any more, but he never did. Instead he'd watch old family videos.

Katie was seventeen, she wanted to date boys who were Kendall's age and get tattoos, so Kendall would have to come over and help his mother with her. It made him miss young Katie who would hide kids from their crazy parents at the Palm Woods and fake sick when her mom was missing Kendall. His mother had remarried finally, and he was happy for her, but the man was fifty-five and a lawyer. He always felt like he was on trial when he was around him. He tended to ask Kendall questions like: "Why don't you have a girlfriend yet?" and "You want to have kids, right?" and Kendall didn't feel comfortable around him so he started to come around less and less.

Soon he was only with his family on holidays and birthdays. Sometimes he wondered if he was a bad son, and he'd think about his father and his father's funeral where he gave his eulogy. He'd get sad and drink rum to make himself feel better, and sometimes he'd cry at old pictures of his family and think about how happy they used to be.

When Rocque Records called him in the middle or March it was strange. They said something about reuniting their best bands and having a huge boy band comeback tour and he laughed at them and hung up the phone. He was done with singing and suspected that he couldn't carry a tune even if he wanted to. He was a washed up pop star turned all star hockey player and he didn't want that to change.

He started having second thoughts about hanging up when he got an email from James. It was talking about how he thought it might be a good idea. He talked about his life now and how he was getting married in the fall to a girl named Rebecca who he met at an Abercrombie shoot. James invited Kendall to come to the wedding band reunion or not, but Kendall probably wasn't going to attend.

Carlos showed up on his doorstep with Garcia's take out and a six-pack of bud light. Kendall wasn't expecting him, but he would never turn down free food especially if it was accompanied by free alcohol. They talked for two hours about the band and the call from Rocque Records, and Carlos told him about how he missed their room at the Palm Woods and sometimes thought about going back but never had the balls to actually do it. Kendall talked to him about James and how he was getting married, and Carlos said he would probably go out for it.

When Carlos left Kendall realized how much he missed having people who cared about him. He sat down and he wrote to James to congratulate him on getting married. He RSVP'd to the wedding because he thought maybe he could go out there with Carlos and maybe it would feel like it used to when they would hang out together. When he hit send he felt a little better, but a there was a pang of sadness at the fact that Logan hadn't even tried to get a hold of him. He thought maybe he should call Logan; instead he finished another beer and tried to play his acoustic guitar.

He woke up to his phone ringing, it was six in the morning and he secretly hoped it was Logan calling to say the band should get back together. It was his mother calling to say that his grandmother needed help moving furniture and that he should go help her. He reluctantly went to help her and moving the couch wasn't difficult, so it made his feel guilty when she slipped a fifty into his hand before he sat down to have lunch with the family. It was the first time in since Katie's birthday that he'd had food that wasn't takeout or leftovers, and he missed eating with his mom and sister but instead of telling them he just finished his dumplings.

That night he called back Rocque Records and asked to speak to Gustavo. They didn't want to transfer him, but when he explained who he was they connected him. Gustavo was still upset that the band had ever broken up, but he still talked to Kendall about the tour. Kendall said he would do it, and Gustavo laughed as if he was actually happy. He said something about how they were his favorite band and that he missed them. Kendall wanted to ask if Logan had said anything, instead he hung up and played one of their old songs on the guitar.

He continued to talk to James and Carlos about the reunion tour and just what they had been doing, and James planned on coming to Minnesota and visiting his family and them. Everyone thought it was a good idea so he was going to come out in April for his mother's birthday. Then he asked if they'd talked to Logan recently and Carlos had said that he heard Logan was still in medical school, and that Logan's parents had said something about him finishing his undergraduate early. That didn't surprise Kendall because Logan had always been a genius. Kendall told them that he'd not heard from him in about two years and that was the end of them talking about Logan.

That night Kendall started writing a song like he used to do, but everything just ended up sounding bad on paper. He got frustrated quickly and threw his papers across the room. He knew he wasn't that upset about the music, because he never got angry about songs sounding like shit. He was upset that his best friend hadn't talked to him in two years, and he was pissed that he'd stopped talking to his family. He sat there staring at the phone and thought about pouring himself some scotch, but instead he picked up the phone and dialed Logan's parent's number.

They answered on the third ring and he told them who it was, and Logan's mom said she could tell who it was just from his voice and he felt sad the he hadn't talked to them for a while. He asked her for Logan's number, and she gave it to him along with a 'he'll love to hear from you' that Kendall knew she'd say to anyone. In all reality he probably wouldn't love to hear from him, but Kendall didn't care. He said his goodbyes and hung up.

He dialed the number and hit send before he lost his nerve and listened to the rings. He counted them to see it Logan would send his call to voicemail or not. He thought about maybe hanging up on the fourth ring, but before he could he heard the ring cut off.

"Hello?" the voice sounded groggy, it was almost as if Kendall had woken them up but if Logan's parents were awake there was no way their son was asleep.

"Logan?" Kendall knew it was Logan just by the way the person on the other end greeted him, but Kendall hoped that Logan would recognize his voice too.

"Yeah, who is this?" Logan asked, he still sounded half asleep and Kendall could hear him moving things around.

"It's Kendall." He said, disappointed that his friend's parents could remember him but he couldn't. He could hear Logan realize who it was, but before he could reply Kendall continued, "I was just calling to let you know that Carlos, James and I are going to meet next week as a band reunion sort of thing and I-well we were hoping you would come too."

Logan made the noise that he made when he didn't want to disappoint people, but knew he would have to. "I'm kind of busy with my school work." He said and Kendall knew that he just didn't want to come home, "I mean Medical school is no joke."

"Yeah," Kendall said and he hoped that Logan could hear that he was disappointed in him, "I guess I'll talk to you again in two years." He hung up and threw his phone against the wall. He was disappointed not only in Logan but in himself for not telling him all the things he'd wanted to, but he knew that Logan wouldn't have cared if he did.

******

Carlos and Kendall carpooled to the airport together and they sang along to the songs they heard on the radio, they harmonized even though they weren't trying too and Kendall felt too nostalgic so he stopped singing and just drove. It took an hour to get there, and they stayed by the car waiting for them.

He was fashionably late, just like always, and they hugged and joked. James introduced them to Amanda who looked like she was sixteen but was actually twenty-one. Carlos said something about how he missed California girls and told James that she was pretty. James agreed and helped her put their bags into the trunk of Kendall's car.

The car ride back seemed to go by quickly, they were all talking as if they had never stopped being friends. Even Amanda had joined in the conversation without it being awkward. James told about how they met and it was a cute story that involved blue paint and white clothes. Kendall dropped them off at James' parents house and they all agreed to meet the next day for lunch. He dropped Carlos off at his apartment and he drove back to his house.

He spent the rest of the day listening to music that he used to love like John Mayer and Train. He looked through the boxes that he had of stuff from elementary school and it felt like it had been forever since he was that young. He missed how easy it used to be to be happy and went to bed with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

It was storming when he woke up and he wasn't sure if he was hearing things or his doorbell was ringing. He threw the covers off and stared at his alarm clock until the numbers came into focus. Bright red 1:16 shone at him and he couldn't help but wonder why anyone would be visiting him. He assumed that Katie had tried to run away and ended up her because she was too afraid to really go anywhere. So he got out of bed and found his way into the hall. He flipped on the light and heard the doorbell ring again. She was probably wet and cold and wanted him to let her in, but he didn't speed up. He unlocked the front door and opened it expecting Katie. Instead there was a scruffy looking Logan standing there soaking wet with a black eye and a suitcase.

"Can I come in?" he mumbled. Kendall nodded and stepped to the side to let him through. He walked in and stood awkwardly at the door trying to not get Kendall's floor too wet.

"Let me get you something to change into." Kendall said, he walked back down the hallway mostly in shock. He thought maybe he was hallucinating which sometimes happened when he drank too much. He turned on the light in his room and opened up his closet doors and searched through them for clothes that would fit Logan. He settled on a long sleeve shirt that he'd never worn and his favorite pair of sweat pants. He walked back into the room that he'd left Logan in. He'd already taken off his shoes and socks and was looking at the pictures that Kendall had left out. "I got you these." Kendall said, Logan looked at him and smiled, "You can change in there." He pointed towards the bathroom and handed the clothes to Logan.

He walked into the bathroom and Kendall sat down on the couch and sighed. He didn't know why Logan had decided to come and he felt that it was his fault that Logan had that black eye. It took Logan five minutes to change and he left his clothes in the sink like he'd always done when he changed out of wet clothes. He sat down on the couch next to Kendall. They didn't say anything for a long time they just sat there together.

"Why are you here?" Kendall asked, he didn't look at Logan because he couldn't look at Logan without feeling regret for never telling him, "Why didn't you talk to me for two years?"

"Because, I was sick of maintaining that happy facade, I couldn't do it any more." Logan said angrily, "I wonder how people looked at me and didn't see how badly I was suffering, because I wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. It made me so angry that you didn't even notice, and I just wanted to disappear sometimes, forever. I was like fuck life so I gave up all hope of everything. Of you and us, but I'm here because I am tired. I'm tired of telling people that I stay awake until the early hours of the morning everyday because I have insomnia. When the real reason I'm up so late is because I don't try to go to sleep. All of the thoughts that run through my head, as I lay in bed in total silence, are the reason that I keep my mind occupied until I can't stay awake any longer. I can't stand to think about what is going on, and what has gone on in my life. I just hate life, and when you called me I didn't want to come back. I hated it here, the only thing that made it okay was that you were here and I that couldn't leave you."

"But you did leave me, you left all of us." Kendall said and he was mad at Logan, because he loved Logan and he hated when Logan would say things like this because he knew he never intended to do anything about it.

"I had to leave," he said half-heartedly, he was no longer angry but there was sadness in his voice, "My father hates me and my mother is too scared of him to do anything. I couldn't stay here in this town, not with them, not with anyone." Kendall could see tears in Logan's eyes but he just sat there staring at him, "So I left and after a year in pre-med I realized that I missed the music, I missed singing and I missed you guys but being a pop star was never my destiny so I stayed there and I studied. It just got harder and harder to talk to you, because you reminded me of what I wanted but what I could never have."

Logan looked at Kendall and Kendall looked at Logan, they didn't say anything to each other they just stared and Kendall wanted to hug him and let him know that everything was going to be okay but Kendall was spineless. So instead he told Logan that there was a spare bedroom down the hall and he went back to his room and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He could hear Logan in the other room and he wasn't sure if Logan was crying or not, but he felt like a dick for leaving him on that couch. He got up and opened the door to his room the hallway light had been turned off. Kendall walked across the hallway and put an ear to the other door, he heard Logan crying and he felt worse than he ever had.

He didn't knock or explain himself; he just opened the door and walked into the room. Logan looked at him with his puffy red eyes and tried to stop crying but it didn't work. Kendall walked over to the bed and sat down next to him, he didn't say anything to him he just put his arms around Logan and hugged him. After a minute Logan hugged him back and cried because he knew it was okay. They stayed like that until Logan mumbled something about how he was sorry. Kendall let go of him and sat there looking at him.

"You're sorry?" he asked confused, "You don't need to be sorry." Kendall shook his head, shocked that Logan was apologizing, "You were right to leave this place. Nothing good will ever happen here. It is a shit hole, and if you live here you will never accomplish anything. This town is full of losers and posers and you were lucky to get out when you did."

"I wasn't lucky." Logan said, "I may have left his place but I left you too." With that Logan kissed him, it wasn't one of those passionate kisses that you see in movies or on television. It was unplanned and awkward, it took Kendall's brain thirty seconds to get into a mode that realized this was kissing, and Kendall kissed him back. He'd imagined what kissing Logan would be like for seven years and he had never imagined it right. He tasted like peanuts and it felt right, unlike the time he'd kissed one of the Jennifers or really anytime he'd kissed anyone else.

******

Things got better after that. The band decided to go on tour together again, and their bassist ended up being a girl who liked hockey and Mexican food, her name was Monica. Carlos and Monica started dating and he proposed to her on their two-year anniversary at a Hockey game. They started their own restaurant together and they are planning on opening their second store in SoHo soon.

James and Amanda got married in the fall and the boys were the groomsmen. James decided to try out a solo career, but it turned into a duo when Rocque Records heard him and Amanda sing together. They finished their tour last September and are spending sometime with their daughter, Kate, before they start singing again.

Logan decided that medical school wasn't the worst thing, he really enjoyed Neurosurgery and he could deal with a workload, he continued working while on tour and returned to New York once it was finished. Kendall decided that he was wanted to play hockey for the New York Rangers and he moved in with Logan the Spring after the tour ended.

They are still friends and they keep in touch, traveling to see each other, and Kendall decided that Friends are like glasses. They make you look smart, but get scratched and then bore you. Luckily sometimes you'll get super cool glasses, and as for him, he's got Logan.


End file.
